As a psychologist, getting to meet people complaining about their anger issues is not new. Recently I met a middle aged man who fixed an appointment with me because his family has been complaining to him that he is an aggressive person. To my surprise I felt that he was rather very calm. Thus I decided to do his psychological assessment to find out the reasons for his aggressive behaviors. I was not surprised when the result was showing anxiety and not anger and knew that what is basically resulting in to a behavior which is being perceived as aggressive or hostile by others have its roots in anxiety. But that made me think that why are we so aggressive towards aggression and hate anger, be it of ours or anyone else. Well, it’s not that I am promoting or encouraging angry behavior, but constant suppression of self – anger (or any other emotion) and criticism by others cannot help in healing or curing it.
Why so Angry or Anger?
Anger, as we think, is not always a toxic and sick human emotion. Anger, like any other emotion is a perfectly normal human emotion and it is a normal reaction to events that are unpleasant to us. As a matter of fact, if we observe an infant we can conclude that anger is the first reaction we seem to have as we are introduced to the world. So, firstly let’s just accept this emotion, the way we have acceptance for other emotions like happiness, joy etc.
Understand your AMPs
After accepting anger like other emotions, start understanding from where this anger is coming. Ok! So you must have started thinking or rather blaming. STOP, when I am asking to focus on the reasons it’s nothing to do with the outer world now, it’s all within you in that little head which is creating the short – circuit sparks. It’s time to fix them in order to live a life we desire. And to do this we have to understand our AMPs – Anger – maintaining presumptions. We may have certain perceptions about the things that may contribute in us viewing the things negatively like-
- All people all assholes
- World is full of selfish people
- People are mean
- No one wants well for me.
Victory over the thoughts
Now once we know about our AMP thoughts we can modify them by following these steps I call my ‘Fantastic Five.’
- Identification – we have already indentified the thoughts that are contributing in to aggressive behavior. Let’s take an example:- “All people are mean & selfish.”
- Neutral – Now let’s step ahead and make this presumption less negative.
‘Every person is not mean or selfish’.
- Shift the focus – look at the fuller glass and not the empty part and thus focus on what you have.
- My parents are good to me
- I have some friends who are very caring & loving.
- I am a good person and there will be many like me in this world.
- Positive – Finally it’s time to make our anger-maintaining perception as peace-maintaining perception (PMP).
‘There are many good & caring people in the world.’
- Mantra – once we have created a positive affirmation, we can formulate a mantra (short Powerful statement) for our self which can be easily chanted anytime, anywhere.
‘People are Good’
Thus, no need to suppress or hate your anger; understand – modify – and live happy
Happy Living ….. 🙂 🙂 🙂